I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Even my vagina gasped.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
