Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
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