awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
