Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
