I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
