Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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