yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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