I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
