No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
