What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
