Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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