sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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