That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I have aggressive nipples.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
