so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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