Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
