before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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