Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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