Where are you?
In a non slutty way
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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