sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
