Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
