it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize