I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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