Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
