tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
