i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
