What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
