I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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