so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
