So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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