I'm so fucking centered right now
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
When are your genitals available?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
