so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
