if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
