I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
