Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Still dying that you shit outside
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
