I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She told me I should be a condom model.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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