I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
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I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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