she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
