It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
