i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
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You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
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HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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