YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
