And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
