they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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