Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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