you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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