i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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