After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You're a waste of cheezeits
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
