what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!