I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought