his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀