sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
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Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?