i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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