You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
