UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
