thus making me awesome and them whores
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
