I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
soo... how was my night?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
