she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
