I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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