Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
