So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
