walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
