You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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