Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
