nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
