a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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