Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
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So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
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Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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