u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more duck duck goose at the bar
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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