I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
