We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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