This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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