This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
