The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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