Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
