Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
